Category Archives: Amusements

Via Boing Boing:

Doom 1 has been ported to Doom 3 — you can play the original game on a terminal in its sequel.

The Terminal DOOM demo is a DOOM3 port – of sorts – of the Classic DOOM source as originally released in 1997. The playable demo is available for Windows and Linux, and supports all shareware and retail versions of DOOM. You will have to have the retail version of DOOM3 installed, and you will have to apply the version 1.3 patch to be able to run the Terminal DOOM demo. Once you applied the new patch, download the demo here from the mirror kindly provided by Ryan Gordon.

F*cking brilliant!

Just received this haiku-ish text in a spam email:

Ah, the Queen Haters…

“I’d like to drown the Queen!
Off the coast of Argentine
Throw her off a battleship
With her Falkland war machine!
She taxes me to death
I can’t afford me dope
I’d like to get her high
Yeah, that would make me laugh.”

Someone has created a Wikipedia page that “contains expletives invented by writers of fiction—often science fiction or fantasy—to add nuance to the fictional cultures in their work, and sometimes as a form of censorship”.

Notable examples:

• b’zugda hiara From Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels. A scathing insult in dwarfish, which translates to “lawn ornament”
• ass-clown – an insult made up by Mike Judge off the top of his head to describe singer Michael Bolton for a particular line of the film “Office Space” so as not to have to call him a “no talent ass-hole” . Also used again in the film Bad Santa by Ajay Naidu, who played Samir in “Office Space”. Frequently used by wrestler Chris Jericho.
• frak – new spelling for “frack” used in the new Battlestar Galactica. (Same meaning as “fuck”). Same usage as the original series, but greatly expanded, and it also seems to carry the same “social weight” as fuck, as characters sometimes apologise for their language after using it.
• fucktard – from B3ta; contraction of “fucking” and “retard”; meaning a fucking retard.
• joojooflop – from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: “One whole joojooflop situation”
• monkey-boy – from The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. A derogatory way of referring to earthlings, used by the Red Lectroid aliens.
• semprini – from Monty Python’s Flying Circus television show. Never exactly defined, this is one of the words supposedly banned from the show. Used to refer to a part of the body, but is also the name of an aftershave.

Link

Yes, he “cheats” and takes advantage of some bugs/glitches, but this video is still amazing.

This reminds me of the guitarist for my band back in the 80s. Jack had asked if I would give him a hand carting some beer cans from his basement to a local redemption center. He opened the basement door and there sat several thousand beer cans. At least he still had the original cases, which made it easier to load onto his truck. I think he made $50-60, which he of course immediately spent on more beer.

A rented house in Ogden, UT was discovered to have accumulated some 70,000 empty Coors Light cans in eight years of tenancy — the cans covered the furniture and blocked the entrance. The garbage house tenant consumed 24 cans of Coors Light per day for eight years.

Ryan Froerer, Century 21: “As we approached the door, there were beer boxes, all the way up to the ceiling.”

Inside, he took just a few snapshots to document the scene. Beer cans by the tens of thousands. Mountains of cans burying the furniture. The water and heat were shut off, apparently on purpose by the tenant, who evidently drank Coors Light beer exclusively for the eight years he lived there.

Link

Saw this when I arrived at work this AM:

I don’t know who Lenny is, but I hope he gets well soon…

Copied from http://spinozany.livejournal.com/530.html. Origin unknown…

Ready to have children?

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN…

THE MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

THE TOY TEST
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks).
Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

THE GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

THE DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

THE FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

THE NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of
sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum
with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
10:00p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever
heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing to these too until 4:00a.m.
Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5
years. Look cheerful.

THE INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it
into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an
attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil.
Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa
Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

THE AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone
and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies.
Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There… perfect.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove all of the beans. Leave it on for the rest of your life.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.