This week’s South Park episode, “Free Willzyx”, gave us a glimpse of what the boys would look like is real life. After “rescuing” a killer whale from Denver’s version of Sea World, a police sketch is circulated of the kidnappers:
We then get a closeup of Kyle, the “ringleader”:
From what I’ve read, Stan looks like a young Trey Parker and Kyle is a young Matt Stone. Kenny? Who knows. Cartman? Perfect.