I'm an Amendment to Be

Lee over at Right Thinking just reminded me about this Simpsons gem from “The Day the Violence Died”. It’s (obv.) a spoof of “I’m Just a Bill” from Schoolhouse Rock.

Lyrics for “Amendment-to-Be” (with Jack Sheldon, Pamela Hayden, and Harry Shearer)

Boy: [spoken] Hey, who left all this garbage lying on the steps of Congress?

Amendment: [spoken] I’m not garbage.

I’m an amendment to be
Yes, an amendment to be
And I’m hoping that they’ll ratify me
There’s a lot of flag burners
Who have got too much freedom
I wanna make it legal
For policemen
To beat ’em
‘Cause there’s limits to our liberties
‘Least I hope and pray that there are
‘Cause those liberal freaks go too far.

Boy: [spoken] But why can’t we just make a law against flag burning?

Amendment: [spoken] Because that law would be unconstitutional. But if we _changed_ the Constitution…

Boy: [spoken] Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!

Amendment: [spoken] Now you’re catching on!

Boy: [spoken] But what if they say you’re not good enough to be in the Constitution?

Amendment: Then I’ll destroy all opposition to me
And I’ll make Ted Kennedy pay
If he fights back
I’ll say that he’s gay

Big Fat Guy: [running up] Good news, Amendment! They ratified ‘ya. You’re in the U.S. Constitution!

Amendment: Oh, yeah! Door’s open, boys!
[many bills and amendments run in, guns a-shooting and bombs a-flying]

About Kevin

Kevin Jarnot is a technologist who lives just South of Boston, MA. He is currently employed as Chief Technology Officer at Micronotes, an AI-driven conversation-marketing company based in Boston, MA.
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